Thinking Back..

You ever sit and think back to a day where you loved every minute of every second? Think about who you were with, what you were doing? Lastly, what were the thoughts going through your head at the time. A familiar name that takes me a step back in my life showed up the other day and from that day on its a name I think of often. And that's not for the better. Just looking at the name hit me in back with a paddle.

It was back in high school, this day, I was in my favorite spot in the world over by Nahant beach. A little rocky area that is called 40 steps, due to the amount of stairs you had to walk down in order to get to this tiny beach with gigantic rocks that lead to the beautiful ocean blue. Today, their are actually more steps. They had to rebuilt the stairs because it became to dangerous and steep to walk up and down. But this location is peaceful, scenic and just thought provoking. I was there with him. Him, who I cannot name. He sticks in my heart, I can't say as my first love but as my first man, my first experience, my first real emotion, my first real kiss.

There are two side to get onto this beach, one being the stairs and the other being a private parking lot that only locals are allowed to park in. Going against the rules that is where I parked and we took a long walk into and onto these rocks. A place I have yet stepped on, it was dark and late but the fact that it was new to me excited me. We kept walking until he said lets sit down here. And even today I can point out this particular spot to anyone. It was the flattest part of the rock that had a rectangular small piece of rock to its right with a bush to the left and directly in the back of the middle of these piece was a small tree that drooped towards the bush. I would forget it. It looks like a hard bed with a plant next to it.

This isn't the spot that I had my first kiss, yet that was on a beach, it was not this beach. This place though.... a place full of memories already. Took me to this new element of a man lying on top of me and me lying on top of another man. I promise you this is not the place I did the deed, that never happened with this man, whom I will not name. Thinking back on this time I can remember how happy I was to be having this long moment with someone whom I have thought about three years prior to this happening. The end of this story is sad, which kills me to think about but I won't ever forget this time. The time that we kissed so long, I felt as if I was still kissing him the whole drive home. The time I felt his skin of his ass on my palm. The time I thought something would have came out of the what I thought was friendship. The time I left my favorite rock of all time on the water with this new confidence, new life in me.

Why can thoughts take you to a place you don't want to relive, good or bad, it hurts to much?