20 Seconds

We need to live, we need to love and hate but understand. We need to connect to strangers to relatives. We need to walk and not stop until you get to where you truly would like to be. We need to work, work hard for life not for money but for life itself. We need courage, courage to speak our minds, courage to keep walking, courage to breathe. Breath is one thing that stays without us our whole lives, why let it go. 


We are missing out on so much because we are frightened, frightened by others, life, words, emotion. [20 Seconds]. Frightened by light or death. Frightened by challenges, boundaries, rules. Frightened by laws. [20 Seconds]. By animals, boys, women, attention, anxiety, spiders, the world at its fullest. [20 Seconds]. 


Why not face it, face life to live to your fullest. There could be so much. Not greed, but light, love, new mind. Why not. Why not be yourself. Find yourself through yourself not through others. Through grass, flowers, clouds, the sky, the freedom. The freedom to enjoy what you could be. [20 Seconds]. 


I always ask myself "What If?" now I ask you "Why Not?"

The same stupidity of all of us.

From time to time, everyone on this planet says "I want to stop and just breathe for a moment and cherish it." This is a great thing to say, I mean, I am about to say to all of you right now. It is such a used phrase but one that means so much. It means you want to try.. And that is all I want too do. For me it's not so much the take a breathe but more of the important moments.


I know where I want my life to go, but how I am getting there is debatable. I just hope that I can live it. Now-a-days life itself has become such a struggle when we didn't need to make it this way. And this is economy, government, and us the people. We make such categories of people, food, countries, states, and more that we separate ourselves from one another and all anyone needs while living is spending it with one another. 


I, myself would like to just STOP, and love everything. Love that I am where I am, love that I am wearing my favorite color blue shirt, love that I have fashionable shoes on my feet, love that I have the ability to see and smile, love that when I go home I have a family who loves me no matter how much they don't tell me, love that I have friends who love me, love that I am getting a great education, love my past, past relationships, past moments I didn't get to cherish, love that I can feel, feel emotion, feel silk, feel real leather, love I am here. Here on this planet call earth that is ours. I am living and I don't have a moment to realize it. I don't have a moment to love it. To feel it. Embrace it. 


This is what I want and I am going to try my hardest into achieving it. 




Take a look at this picture.

Hard to believe but I had taken this picture 2 years ago, on my travels in Switzerland. Such a beautiful picture of the mountains. As much as I would love to lie to you right now, this picture is embracive and I did not even embrace it. This picture is pure beauty and I didn't have the chance to realize it, till I came home and wished I had sat there and just stared at this image and loved everything about it. But by then it was too late...

If only....

Did YOU Know?

that only humans can cry.

The Statistics Behind...

I wake up in the morning and think of men, but not because I'm horny but because that is who should be next to me in the morning with me and him smiling at each other because we have one another. You might call me a romantic, or even a hopeless romantic because I am still single and i cannot find the perfect man, and this is why.

When choosing the "perfect" man you have to take in account all of the above: LOOKS, HIEGHT, WEIGHT, JOB, MONEY, CAR, HAIRDO, CLOTHES, DOES HE LIVE WITH HIS PARENTS? Bullshit. Welcome to my sarcasm. These things are bullshit, but yet true when it comes to probably 89% of our worlds population. When I wake up, I think about the smile that could be next to me, the eyes, the head relaxed on my chest, the stupid jokes that are ridiculous but make me laugh because it came out of his mouth, the freckle underneath his eye and how I secretly think its sexy, the facial hair on his cheek that pricks me when we kiss.

I don't know how this is about, I wish I did. I wish men just popped out of no where everyday. But they don't. All you have are the men in your life. And how can you not spend a life thinking these men are "the one", even though you have no seen some of them for quite sometime now. People have histories with people and I'd like to believe that it helps you in the end, but I can't say it has.

What I am saying is, it doesn't matter. It will never matter. And as you are reading this I can hear you asking "what?" Well I don't exactly know. But what I do know is feel something. Feel everything you can that will bring you happiness. I pray every night for this for myself and everyone in my life. You don't need a hook up or a causal fuck buddy. Because it doesn't matter. What matters is you, and your life with happiness. Everything in between the lines, I just want to experience.

Matter of Time.

I feel the need to speak, but speaking is something i just cannot do with this. It is more than that! If this isn't an act out for help then I don't know what else to do. Throw my body into your face and hope that you see me? Buy a gun and point it to my forehead until you know the information I just want to scream at you, or you, or even you. It does't matter... no one ever listens in the end. 


I don't want to play the game of just getting by, and hoping for the best while wishing everything could just be better. I need to find this motivating spirit that i can use with my life. To loose weight, to get straight A (maybe just one B), to clean my apartment, to get a boyfriend, to receive and to actually produce love. Simply love to myself, my parents, my siblings, newborns, elderly, ANYTHING! I have this huge heart when I lie on my bed and sob over romantic movies. But when it comes to people, the judgmental atmosphere that kills my insides, I don't know how to act. All these questions come to mind, stupid stupid stupid questions, that just fill the mind with what I call the cloud of death. Because its questions like this that lead you to just that.... DEATH. 


I want to learn how to play the piano. Maybe get back to the marimba, maybe just lay in my bed and hope for the best. The world became this huge competition that I just do not want to compete it. Why bother. In the end we all die, whether I say that I have succeed or the buried corpses next to mine, who is listening? I know I cannot answer who will be listening or who will I really be talking to? I know I have a few names in mind but that means nothing...


I have dead. And I would love to come back alive, I just don't know what's going to get me there. I TRY AND TRY AND TRY AND TRY, nothing will ever go in the way of Alex Drapinski. The plans and road that is what he wants to take is the worst road to be on in a time like this, because he clearly lost the steering wheel. It's just a matter of time... Matter of Time.

Happier

We close,
We're closer.
You got into my head,
I got comfortable.
You had control.
I walked back,
You walked forward.
You're happy
I'm happier.
You had time,
Just for one time,
I didn't.
We fought,
I thought we fixed.
We didn't.
You grew,
without me.
I wrote to you,
publicly,
Yet, you still didn't hear me.
You talked,
She talked more,
Then her group talked even more.
I talked.
We should have,
But you didn't want too.
But why,
You are happy.
And I am happier.

We all have books

          A few days ago, I sat down and listened to a person talk about the complications of a human's emotion. The answer to everyone's prayer is that: each and everyone of us have a story, a novel, a poem. The book contains personal information of which all people do not deserve to know, but must earn the knowledge of someone else's words.